Video Vault: Beetleborg Metallix

In this first installation of Video Vault we will be going back to one of my favorite childhood shows, Beetleborgs. The show is a cheap rip off of Power Rangers that featured the same cheesy acting and action style. I liked the show better because it has a kicking rad theme song. Dont believe me? Watch the show and you will spend the next few days singing it. Anyway in the heady days of 1997 when Beetleborgs was all the rage, a movie was made. This movie was known as Beetleborgs Metallix. I missed at least the first 30 minutes of the movie because the person before me didnt rewind and I was to lazy to rewind all the way to the beginning (please be kind, rewind mmkay?) but suffice to say I figured out the plot quickly. It follows one central extra evil monster that is so powerful that he easily destroys the regular Beetleborg suits. He then goes and springs an evil cartoonist out of jail. This is because in the beetleborg world anything a cartoonist draws can be turned into an object. The evil cartoonist begans to scribble out devices of such awesome power I could hardly begin to comprehend. One such device was the "WORMTANK" Its a giant worm that crawls along the surface in lovingly rendered 1997 low budget CGI. Im not sure why the worm tank is scary because it is alot slower than the regular tank and can be destroyed as the beetleborgs discover by "TRIANGULATING your fire" Yes they did say triangulate in a kids show. Maybe they were hoping with such big words they could get an educational award or something. I dont want to spoil the ending but the Beetleborgs get new suits that in the real world would be called WMD because there so destructive and powerful and stuff. In the movie though they give them to a bunch of kids. Gotta love kids with weaponry. The climatic end battle scene features some of the worst minature work ever seen, and has action words such as KAPOW and SHAZAAM appear over the explosions in a Batman and Robin like manner. At one point the word KAUIE appeared causing a great amount of indignantion among the audience because KAUIE is not a word. The other great entertainment value of this movie is its amazing catchphrases such as "CHILL OUT" after a guy was frozen in a block of ice. Please if you have any sense of humor go see this movie because I havent laughed this hard since I saw Are You Afraid of the Dark! But more on that later.
Peace out