~Zack Parsons, Something Awful (2004)
Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?
~Airplane (1990)
Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds - pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
~Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
Principal: Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap.
~Billy Madison (1997)
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-heck-up. Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in my world now, grandma.
~Happy Gilmore (1996)
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy. Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the b******s, that's my policy. Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
~Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!(1988)
Milton: And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.
~Office Space(1999)
E.L.: Or if, uh, you're too wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.
~Road Trip (2000)
Okay folks, that's all for today, as this is getting very, very long. Stay tuned for Awesomesauce Quotes 2.
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